The Shower, The Name

On May 21st, my friend Carol threw me the best of the best baby shower I could ever imagine. My online pregnant friends came, my aunt, grandma, neighbors I hardly knew, cousins....just a bunch of wonderful people. My mother and Jason's mother couldn't make the trip but we survived. We received so many wonderful gifts! Carol bought me a beautiful corsage and made me feel like a true princess! Jason hung out and took pictures, but unfortunately we didn't get our digital camera until after the baby was born so I can't post any here. We had the nursery all set up and everyone got to come see. I received things I thought I would never use. Heck, I figured I had enough to raise 20 kids! Boy was I wrong.

In early June Jason's Papa died. It was horrible. Here we were, so excited that we were about a month away from meeting our little boy face to face, and we had to deal with yet another death in the family. Jason's parents traveled from Alaska to Napa for the funeral and wanted us to come. Jason was so concerned that I would have problems. I told him to go alone. Then he freaked because he didn't want me to be alone. So he called Carol. Carol and her daughter came to stay with me for the night. I couldn't help but feel guilty that I wasn't there to support my husband, but everyone felt it best that I stay put. I have a little problem with being treated like glass, but I tried not to make a big deal about it. Jason drove over the morning of the service and was back in the early afternoon of the next day. He was so divided. He wanted so desperately to say goodbye but didn't want me to go into labor while he was gone. Jason came home glad that he made the trip. I was too. Everyone needs to be able to say goodbye.

Four weeks from my due date I woke up to our baby boy doing summersaults and handstands. He was just all over the place. I lay there in bed and just smiled ear to ear as I enjoyed the feeling. It was awesome. When it came time for me to get to the bathroom before I made a mess, I attempted to stand. My right leg wouldn't work. No strength. Almost like it was totally numb, asleep. Jason was just getting out of the shower to get ready for work. I explained to him what was wrong. He called the doctor who asked that we come right in.

An ultrasound proved that this adorable baby decided to come to rest on my sciatic nerve. I could hardly walk! This also showed us how large this baby was going to be. The doctor estimated that if he goes full term I was looking at a 10 lb boy with a large head and broad shoulders. WHAT?! I didn't even think about how he was going to fit until now. Chacon sent me to the physical therapist to see if we could get my leg and hip working again. I went everyday for the next two weeks. About 12 days before the baby was due, July 2nd, with no results from the physical therapist Doctor Chacon suggested a C-Section. NO! NO NO NO NO! I so wanted to feel the natural feeling. I want the pain. I want the stress. NO NO NO NO NO! I want to have this baby the way nature intended! Damn it NO! Chacon explained that the baby was getting bigger and bigger and without the use of my hip, I would have a lot of trouble "helping" with the delivery. I fought tooth and nail. I wanted to feel my water break. I wanted to scream in pain. I wanted to say, " Honey, it's time!" I don't want this baby cut out of me!! Chacon offered us the option of inducing. He told us to think about it and call him in the morning.

At home we poured over the internet health sites. We begged advice from friends and family. Slowly we learned that inducing was not a good idea. The labor could take longer and it isn't very good for the baby or the mommy. My sister's experience delivering her daughter finally convinced me to go ahead with the C-Section. She went into natural labor and the baby never positioned right. They had to knock my sister complelety out then take the baby C-Section. If I opted for C-Section from the begining, I could stay awake through the whole thing. That is what my choice came down to. I decided to play the odds. We knew I could stay awake during a scheduled C-section. If I went into natural labor and my hips and muscles werent' up to the task, I would be knocked out. I wouldn't be able to see him come into the world. It is a crappy choice to have to make after nine months of dreaming. I told myself that either way I still get to be this baby's mommy so it really doesn't matter the manner in which he enters the world.

That night after making the decision to go ahead with the C-Section, we tried to turn our moods lighter and again tried to think about a name for the baby. We have been going over every book on the planet. We had it narrowed down to Aiden, Marshalll, Dalton, Devlin or Patrick. We knew we wanted his middle name to be Henry after his great grandpa. No name at all seemed to reach out and grab us. I was getting a little down.

I remember this well. We put down the books, charts and lists of names. We watched something on the History Channel. While Jason was making us a little snack (hungry baby) I picked up a baby name book and just flipped it open. One name popped out at me. It was unbelievable. Kenneth. I counted the letters in Kenneth Henry...12. I counted the letters in my name Paula Suzanne...12. I counted the letters in Jason William...12. Don't ask me what possesed me to count this out. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I showed this to Jason. He laughed. Then he started to mull it over. Kenneth Henry. Somehow this was the baby's name. That is that. Nothing else seemed to feel so right! Our decision was made.

The next morning we called the doctor. Yes, we will do the C-section. He scheduled the date. I was to report to the hospital on July 6th, at 10 am.