Baby Bliss

In preparation for the baby, we had purchased and set up a co-sleeper. If you haven't seen one of these the idea is simple. It is basically a bassinet that is the same level (can be adjusted) as your bed. You place the co-sleeper next to your side of the bed and you can sleep with your baby without worrying about rolling over on him. I loved it!

After we got home, I rested on the chair with Kenny, snacked, slept and fed him. When it was time for me to actually get some good sound sleep (two days without sleep was killing me) I lay Kenny down in the co-sleeper, climbed into bed and simply stared at my rare little jewel. I started to drift off to sleep. I was awaken by Jason about an hour later. He told me that I was just hurting myself. I didn't understand what he was talking about. He said," You have a death grip on the co-sleeper rail, if you don't let go your hand is going to cramp up." I looked at my hand. I did have a white-knuckled grip on the co-sleeper. I told him I would be fine. Then lay my head back down, hand still gripping the rail and fell asleep. I suppose I was still a little worried that someone will come to try and take him away. Every time Kenny squeaked, hiccuped, wiggled, moaned or took a deep breath, I flew out of bed like a rocket ready to grab him. After checking to make sure that every inch of him was warm, soft and free from peril, I would lay back down again. I can't tell you how many times I jumped up. I don't think I can count that high.

At one point, Kenny awoke, hungry. I fed him and sang to him. Jason was still asleep and this was the first time I had Kenny all to myself with no one watching, no nurses, no hubby, just me and baby in the warm summer night. When he was full, he decided it was time to explore mommy's face. While we stared at each other in the soft light of a low watt lamp, I whispered love and praises to him. I told him how special he was. How wonderful I felt knowing that I get the honor of loving him and raising him. I told him that one year ago, he was only a dream I never thought I would attain, but today he was a miracle of love and light. I told him I loved him a million times and vowed to tell him that at least twice a day for the rest of his life. (yep, three and a half years later I still keep to that vow) I told him how perfect and beautiful he was. I told him how strong he was. I told him I wanted to live forever as long as I could look into those wonderful eyes. That was the most beautiful hour of my life. When I watch him sleep now, I remember that first night and sometimes I whisper to him still.

The very next day, while taking a shower, my milk "came in." Holy Cows In A Field Field of Thorns!!! I have heard and read that there could be discomfort, but I never thought I would dream of cutting these swollen and throbbing things off! I was actually crying out in pain. Jason came into the bathroom begging to know what was wrong. I told him my boobs were killing me. He pushed the curtain back and I shrunk away from him screaming," Don't you touch them, get away!" He went out and called my mom. I stood in the bathroom, dripping, shivering, snuffling with "fire hose" pressured milk squirting in every direction. He handed me the phone. Mom tried to tell me that this is normal, everyone goes through it, yadda yadda yadda. I really got tired of hearing that from everyone.

I heard Kenny starting to fuss and I threw on a robe, ran out to feed him. OH, YES! He ate and what a relief. This must be nature's way of making sure we feed our children. The more he ate, the less pressure I felt. The throbbing stopped. The swelling didn't, but at least the hurt was going away. Eat baby eat!!!

A couple of days later and it was time to take Kenny to the doctor for his checkup. Kenny's first trip out of the house. I took everything with me. I mean everything that I could fit into the truck. It was very ridiculous and yet funny. We were only gone from the house for about an hour.

Kenny's appointment was scary for me. I was worried that he wasn't getting enough breast milk because he still had trouble latching on. The nurse had me strip him and take him to the scale. He weighed in at 6lbs, 14 oz. I started to cry. He wasn't getting enough food. I knew it! Everything else was fine. The doctor explained that a little weight loss wasn't uncommon and told be to keep up and bring him back in about 10 days for another check up.

Those ten days just about drove me insane. I attempted to feed Kenny every time he opened his eyes! Sometimes he would latch well, other times he wouldn't. As his appointment day came closer I started to relax a little. He started to stay on the breast longer and longer. When I tried to give him the breast when he wasn't ready, he would simply spit it out and look up at me like I was nuts.

Those last two days before his appointment he was feeding about 20 minutes each breast. That is almost an hour of eating...every three hours!! It was like he wasn't getting enough. He would get pissed if I tried to switch breasts. My God, I was expecting my boob to cave in!! His cute little belly would swell up like a beach ball. I could almost gauge his next feeding just by looking at the size of his little tummy.

This time, I only took about half of everything to Kenny's check-up. The nurse had me strip him, take him to the scale. He weighed in at 8lbs 1 oz!! Way to go, my boy!! Everything was fine and the doc sent us home with a clean bill of health.

Next appointment would be in three weeks. Guess what....10lbs!! Basically, one month from his birth date he had gained 4 lbs and 3 inches!! It seemed that he was hungry all the time. I started to worry that I wouldn't have enough milk to satisfy him.

Kenny at One Month Old!!

**note**
I did send in the formal complaint against the nurses at the hospital. Later I found out from one of the girls at the OBGYN's office that there had been a ton of complaints just in the first 6 months of the year with some of the same crap that I experienced. I also learned that all but three of the nurses where either transferred to a "non maternity" area or outright canned!!! A lesson, instead of just going to a new physician or nurse when they treat you bad, BITCH LIKE NO ELSE and save someone else from getting treated horribly too.