She's so Pink!!

3 a.m. Jason gently kisses my cheek and attempts to wake me up. "It is time to go meet our baby, Honey." I open my eyes, glare at him through a fog of sleep and tell him,"Go away." I turn my back to him and roll over. He persists, "C'mom Paula, we have to get ready so that we can get to the hospital in time." I look over at his nightstand. It is 3 a.m. As I snuggle back into the covers and my soft pillow, I tell him, "I am not getting there two hours early just to wait and worry. Wake me up at 4. The surgery is scheduled at 6. We will get there at 5. Now, go away." Jason left the room mumbling curses to himself at my stubbornness. I heard him whisper something to Carol in the hallway. I went back to sleep holding my precious belly.

3:30 a.m. Jason again, gently kisses my cheek and tells me it's time to get up. I open my eyes, look at the clock and reply, "Go away. I said 4!" He left, again mumbling complaints under his breath.

Just shy of 4 a.m. I got up, went into the bathroom and took a shower. During my shower I sang to my belly. Jason came into the bathroom. I again told him to go away. These were my very last moments alone with my sweet baby. After my shower, I gooped on my psoriasis medication, got dressed and packed my bathroom gear into my over night case. Jason carried my baggage, the baby car seat and his little duffel bag out to the truck. I went into Kenny's room and sat next to his crib. I talked to both kids again, telling them how great a friendship they will have. I told Kenny I would miss him. I kissed his hand. Carol stood in the doorway and whispered the time. Fine. I guess it is time to go. I kissed Kenny again and made my way to the living room.

I hugged Carol, went over the plan to take care of Kenny again and grabbed my jacket and purse. Jason and I climbed into the truck. Of course, I drove. It was still dark and very cold outside. It just didn't seem like life was real. My head was filled with worry, wonder and the promise of a beautiful face containing beautiful eyes that would soon capture a place in my permanent memory file. I must admit. Considering the crap I went through with the nurses while I was in the hospital having Kenny, I was gearing myself up for another fight. I was working up the vocabulary that I would use the moment I got pissed off. Various conversations were running through my head to take care of any situation that could arise.

Jason could tell I was working myself into a lather. He tried to keep me calm. "It should be nice in the new hospital." I nodded. "Doc Chacon said that there is all new staff in the maternity wing." I nodded. "At least the roads aren't icy." I nodded. "You know Carol will take great care of Kenny. She is going to bring him to the hospital this afternoon." I nodded. He gave up. I know it sounds cruel, I just didn't feel like talking. My head was filled to the top with too much emotion.

We pulled into the parking lot. I got out and smoked a cigarette. It was just after 5 a.m. Jason hauled out the luggage and we started for the door. We had to go through emergency since the hospital proper was closed. They called upstairs and verified that I was scheduled. What moron would go to the hospital, 5 am, pregnant, cold and tired for no reason unless they were scheduled for surgery.

After entering, we walked down a long corridor, headed for the elevators. I looked at the closed coffee stand longingly. When we got to the fourth floor, we had to talk through an intercom to be let inside. While approaching the nursing station I eyed the girls with contempt. I didn't recognize any of them. A plus for them. They were all smiles and brightness. Ick. They took me to a wonderful room with a great view of the parking lot and the mountains behind it. Not bad. I started to relax. It was clean and comfortable. My nurse showed me around the room, the amenities and helped me get into my gown then into bed. She hooked up my IV. Got it the first try. A plus for her. She then brought in paperwork to fill out and go over. When I handed the papers back to here, she voiced her concern as to how late I was. "You were due to be here at 4 so that we could do the surgery prep." I glared at her. "Are we done prepping?" I asked. She nodded yes. "The clock says that it is 5:50 am, the surgery is at 6 a.m. Why the hell should I have come on any earlier?" She got a smug little look on her face, but it was gone in an instant. "I guess it will be ok," she said.

The nurse left the room and Jason and I made idle chat for a while. He was excited. I was excited. It was time. We are going to meet our daughter.

Chacon came in dressed in scrubs, all smiles and giddiness. He brought in the anesthesiologist, introduced him and told me he would see me in the operating room. The anesthesiologist didn't look too happy about being up so early. He was not into chit chat and simply explained the procedure. The surgical nurses showed up, took Jason to get him in his scrubs and I was wheeled into the operating room. The anesthesiologist and a nurse sat me up and a needle was shoved into my spine. Hit it the first time. These people were actually getting on my good side.

Jason and I chatted for a little while as my body went numb and the nurses shaved me for surgery. Chacon and Hall came into the room. Doc Hall is our pediatrician. I was tilted back and the prepping was done. Chacon, grinning as usual asked me if I was ready. All of a sudden my excitement and sorrow hit me full force. Tears were rolling out of my eyes. "Is there anything wrong?" Chacon asked. "No, I am ready. I just don't think I am ready to let her go yet." Chacon said, "I know, you went through this with Kenny. She is ready to come out and everything looks good. In just a few moments you will meet your daughter." I smiled, "Alright. Let's go."

They made the incision, shoved me around this way and that. I held Jason's hand and tried to relax. There seemed to be more pain this time, but that could just be the whole birth-nesia thing that women go through. I tilted my head forward and called to Chacon, "You better make sure that she cries!" He glanced over at me, "Don't worry, she is a feisty little thing. Right now she is dancing around. She will be crying the moment she pops out." One of the nurses made comment,"You know this will be the first baby of the year." I commented back, "Don't bullshit me just to get my mind off this, it won't work." Chacon chimed in. "No, she is right. No one came in yesterday. In fact we haven't had a delivery since Dec 29th. Paula, you are having the first baby of the New Year at this hospital!" I was stunned. This couldn't be possible. It is January 2nd. There is like a ton of babies born every day, how can I have the first baby of the New Year?

The pressure increased in my chest as my innards were shoved into my rib cage. Chacon asked his assistants if they were ready. They were. "Here she comes." I felt a little pressure release as he pulled the baby out. A nurse gasped, "She is so PINK!" I went into a panic. "What is wrong!!" I screamed. The nurse replied, "Nothing is wrong, sweetheart. She is perfect and pink and beautiful." I was instantly jealous. It isn't fair that someone else go to see her first.

There was a sucking noise and then our daughter proved to the world that her lungs were fully developed and ready for action. My God did she scream. She was more pissed off than Kenny was. That beautiful sound. That wonderful cry of life filled my ears and brought tears to my eyes. I never thought any emotion could come close to the feelings I had when I first heard Kenny cry. I was wrong. Her voice, pure emotion and fear. Pure strength, filled my heart and my soul with hope and wonder. Nothing in this world is more beautiful than that sound, and I am the luckiest person on the planet because I got to hear it twice. Our son was pissed when he came into the world, our sweet daughter seemed "pissed-er", still I was elated. I felt lifted to a higher consciencness. I am again...a mom.

Doc Chacon lifted her up so that I could see her. She looked just like Kenny did! WOW! I mean JUST like Kenny did. Jason was called to go with the Hall to take vitals and record her weight and such. I listened to her cry and closed my eyes as the crew started to piece me back together. After a few moments, Jason came over to me, holding our precious angel bundled in his arms. I reached out for her. Oh LORD, she is beautiful. She stopped crying and glared at me. Jason said, "Look, she has your pissy glare!" Chacon looked over, "She does look like you Paula, she is beautiful. Congratulations." I didn't care if they were attempting compliments or smart-assed comments. I was glued to this angel. Her eyes, crystal blue. Her face, strong and beautiful. Her nose, so petite. Her skin, so pink!

Felicia Lorraine, Born Jan 2, 8:05 am, 6lbs, 8 oz, 17 1/2 in long

I got to hold her for a moment more before Jason and Hall took her away while the surgery was finished. I longed for her. I missed her so much. My heart ached that she wasn't there with me. That is the hardest part of having a baby to me. I knew Jason was with her, but I was jealous because it wasn't me.

They brought me into recovery and I again fought this stupid procedure. I didn't want to go to sleep. I didn't want to rest, heal or recover. I want my daughter. The nurse wasn't as stupid as the nurse in charge of me when I had Kenny. She made me a deal. 20 minutes and then I would be allowed back into my room with my baby and my husband. Hmm. Ok. I didn't have the energy to fight this time like I did when I had Kenny.

After 20 minutes they wheeled me into my room. I held my daughter and fell asleep.