Going Home

Early Early in the morning we pile into Jasons mom's truck and head to the airport in Anchorage. I spend the entire drive simply thankful that we are going to go home. Don't get me wrong. I loved the trip. Alaska is beautiful and Jason and Kenny had so much fun interacting with the family. Still, I was very thankful that I was going back to my bed, my shower, my kitchen....my home. I love to visit family and friends but as Dorothy once said, "There is no place like home."

It didn't really cross my mind to be afraid of the flight home. At least it didn't cross my mind to the point where I would stress about it. I made it to Alaska, I can make it back to Nevada. No problem.

In the parking lot we thankfully had two extra helpers to carry all our crap into the terminal. Check in. Take a quick potty break. Smoke a cigarette. Head to Security. After hugs and goodbye's we took our place in line. It took a little longer to get through security this time, but there were no issues. Kenny stayed close and soon we threw one last wave to Jason's parents and then went in search of our gate.

Gate found. We settled in, checked the time. Two hours to wait. Good Lord!! I am not doing this again. If we ever go back to Alaska we are driving!! Kenny settled in and watched tv, Jason dosed in and out next to him on the uncomfortable chairs. I walked around, went potty again and eventually made my way to the window. Looking out into almost complete darkness I tried to pass the time by watching planes come and go. Watching luggage carts come and go. Checking out the horizon. Then it started to snow. Not sweet little fluttery flakes. I mean plate sized snowballs from a God who OBVIOUSLY has a sick sense of humor!! Normally, I love snow. I love to watch it fall. I love making snowmen. I love the beauty of it. I grew up in the Sacramento valley and snow was something we had to drive to. I learned at a young age that it sucks to drive in snow. I have memories of my mother with a white-knuckled grip on the dashboard, screaming at my dad while we race down the mountain, trailer in tow, in a snowstorm that caught us by surprised while we were camping.

Remember that movie, Poltergeist? That sweet little girl looking into the television turns to her dad and says, "They're Baaaack." That is what it felt like as those wonderfully vivid fears of mine came flooding into my head. I wasn't worried about AFTER we got in the air. I am smart enough to know that you can fly above a storm. I was worried about how the hell we are going to get in the air. Hmm. Plane tires, no traction. Snow. Plane tires are small. Snow. Plane must go really really really fast to get up in the air. Snow. Cockpit windshield covered in snow. Tanker at the end of the runway. Limited Visibility. Great. Wonderful. Crazy Paula is back on the case!!

I took a deep breath and headed for Jason. I sat next to him and grabbed his arm like a vice. "It is snowing." He looked at me. "So." I thought I was going to kill this man! "What do you mean, 'so'! It is snowing out there. We aren't going to be able to leave. They are going to have to cancel the flight! They can't take off in snow!" Again, this man that I married just looked at me with those "I pity you" eyes. He glanced at the window across the way. "It isn't that bad. Besides, planes take off in this kind of weather all the time." I was speechless. I needed a cigarette and a car. I want to go home.

Over the intercom they announced they were going to board our plane a little early to try to get out ahead of the snow. Great. We are racing mother nature. We get on the plane. This time it is FULL so we scrunched into our two little seats next to the window. An obvious "outdoors man" sat in the aisle seat. He was nice, but didn't seem to want to converse much. A rude male attendant walked the aisle to make sure everything was set. This was going a little quicker than last time. They went through the safety stuff as the plane backed out. Then the plane stopped. Then the plane went forward again. I grabbed Jason. "What are we doing now?" He looked around then glanced out the window. "Don't worry, they are just de-icing the plane." De-icing. That means there is ice on the plane. "How do they make sure that ice won't reform on the plane?" Jason says, "Oh, it will reform it just won't be as thick. Don't worry, honey. It will be fine. This goes on everyday." NOT WITH ME ON BOARD!!

We started moving again. The attendants went to their seats, the captain made his announcement and we headed to the line for take off. We sat on the runway for about 20 minutes behind other planes that were taking off. As we gained speed I chanted, "go go go go" in my head. Silly huh. Jeez I was stressed out. We got off the ground just as we had done on dry pavement. As we climbed I relaxed. The rest of the flight to Seattle was peaceful. I think I even slept for a moment or two.

Landing in Seattle was great. We only had a 40 minute layover so this is going to be easy. We got off the plane, hit the bathrooms, changed Kenny's diaper, grabbed a soda and searched for our next gate. We couldn't find it. After asking an employee, we learned that the gate for the connecting flight to Reno was in a different arm of the terminal. Ok. She showed us a little map. HOLY COW! It may as well have been in Australia!! The Seattle terminal looked like some deranged octopus with arms all over the place. We were in "arm" D. We had to get to the very end of "arm" C. She told us it would take us about 15 minutes to walk there. WHAT! The plane was due to take off in 20 minutes from now. CRAP! We grabbed our stuff, our son and started to power walk towards the gate. I am huffing and puffing. Jason has everything but my purse and Kenny. My pregnant butt was lugging my 8 pound purse and my 28 pound son!! We passed stores and malls and full sized steak houses!! I couldn't hold my tongue. As we jogged UP a little incline I screamed at the back of Jason's head, "Don't these people know this is a fucking airport? Who goes shopping at the stupid airport?!!" I got dirty looks for my potty mouth. Guess what. I didn't care. You need mass transit to get around that stupid place.

Kenny bobbed up and down on my hip, giggling. Enjoying the ride. Finally, we come around a corner and found our gate. We check in and were informed that the plane was delayed and we would be taking off about an hour or an hour and a half late. My jaw dropped to the floor. Jason took that as a sign that I was going to explode, so he dropped what he was carrying and gathered me and Kenny into a big hug. I don't know if he was trying to calm me or prevent me from killing the chick at the counter. I couldn't breathe. My hip hurt. Felicia was playing hopscotch on my kidneys. I am tired. I am sweaty. I am hungry. I wanna go home!!

We found a quiet corner to ourselves. I pulled out a baby blanket and sat on the floor with Kenny. Lucky, super-prepared mom that I am I had packed a few toys for Kenny to play with. Jason left in search of food. All he found was a fruit smoothie (that was gross) and a few bagels. All the other little food spots were either closed or too full of people to get anything. I had Jason stay with Kenny and I went in search of a vending machine. I found a drink machine and bought a water bottle. The bagels were stale. My back was aching like crazy and Felicia wanted potatoes. I asked Jason if we could turn our tickets in and get a rental car. I don't care if we have to drive for two days. I WANT OUT OF THE AIRPORT! He just gave me a goofy look. "Be patient. The flight is not quite an hour long. Just get on the plane and we will soon be home." Fine.

After what seemed like forever, we boarded the plane. Again it was full. This time a college aged girl sat next to us in the aisle seat. Up in the air. I was fine. Within a few minutes the girl started looking green, then blue, orange, purple and white. I asked her if she was ok. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Wonderful. Air sick chick, a baby, a pregnant nutcase and poor Jason in the middle. During the short flight she made a total of 5 trips to the bathroom. Every time she returned she looked worse. I focused out the window. It was a beautiful view. I could tell by the terrain that we were over northern Nevada. It was awesome! The pilot announced that we were going to be preparing to land. We put our trays back, packed our stuff, seat belts on. I am ready! One more landing. No problem. I didn't even think about the tankers, the tires, or anything else that could go wrong. I was simply excited that within the next half hour I will be smoking a cigarette and walking to MY truck!!

As we started to descend Jason noticed my lightened mood. He asked about making the trip again. I told him maybe, with conditions. No connecting flights. No pregnancy. Kenny gets his own seat so we don't have "company." No Seattle, ever ever ever ever ever again. He smiled and we both relaxed. Jason was happy that I had settled down and even happier that I was open to another trip.

The landing gear was down. I actually heard it lock in. Good. Almost there. Thank God. The tires hit the pavement. I expected us to slow quickly, like all the other landings. Nope, we were going fast! Fast enough that I heard other people on the plane making comments about it. I looked at Jason. He gave me a weak smile and held my hand. Then the pilot slammed SLAMMED on the brakes. I was thrown forward enough that my head hit the back of the seat in front of me. Can you believe my "mom" arm went out! As I was thrown forward, holding my stomach with my left hand, my right arm went across Kenny and Jason. A few people screamed!! I heard a guy yell profanities. I imagined the plane stopped balanced on it's nose!! We stopped so hard I almost threw up! I was instantly worried about Felicia. Then she started kicking. She probably enjoyed it! I could see little drifts of smoke come from under the plane. I imagined the tires being stripped of their rubber. What the hell was that!?!

Right after the plane stopped our poor air sick college student flew from her seat down the aisle. An attendant quickly followed her. We didn't see her again. I hope she is ok. A man on the other side of the aisle was telling his wife not to worry. He said that frequently during nice weather they let trainer pilots land the plane. No big deal. NO BIG DEAL? Are you kidding me? I can just see him now. Some pimply faced kid playing air ranger with a damn 747!!

As we gathered our gear and headed for the exit I couldn't help myself. As we passed the cockpit my mouth went off again. "So they let some inexperienced little brat land the plane, are they going to let him deliver this baby too. He almost threw me into labor!" Yep, I said it very loudly. Yep, it was probably not a nice thing to do. Yep, I got a snotty look from the rude male attendant. Nope, I didn't care.

Soon we had our stuff and we made the voyage to the truck. Over the river and through the woods, as they say. Jason put Kenny's seat in the truck, locked him in. We left the doors open to air it out while Jason packed the luggage and I had a much deserved cigarette.