Going Home

Early morning on the 3rd of January, Jason, Felicia and I were walking the halls trying to get my strength up, not to mention trying to curb some of the cabin fever-like feelings I was starting to get being stuck in that room. While walking by the nurses station I overheard someone talking about how small the preemie baby girl was that was delivered late the night before. Apparently the mom went into labor and delivered just fine, but the baby was about 3 weeks early. I started to cry. How frightening it must be for her. I didn't even want to imagine how horribly afraid that poor mother must be...how she must think she did something wrong. I asked the nurse if the mother and baby were still at this hospital or if they were to be transferred to Reno. She said that they were staying here, so far, unless complications present themselves.

When we got back to our room, I called Carol. I told her that in Felicia's dresser there is a little preemie outfit that someone sent for Christmas. I asked her to bring it in when she brings Kenny by. She told me she would.

I remember opening that gift Christmas morning. I was actually hurt by the notion of receiving a "preemie" sized outfit for the baby. Was it to be expected that this overweight, unhealthy, horrible person couldn't possibly carry this baby full term? What kind of person thought of me like that!!!?? Now I wonder if maybe it was meant to be.

Carol and Kenny arrived. Kenny was super excited to see us again. He was more interested in his sister because she was a little more aware. She was laying on the bed in front of me looking around. When she and Kenny made eye contact, they stared at each other for a long time. Kenny giggled! Felicia made weird noises and farted a lot. I just grinned and grinned with tears rolling off my face while I watched. I want these two to love and know and rely on each other forever. This is the first sign that my dream may be realized.

Around two, Carol headed home. She had to go back to taking care of her family. After a few quick "coos" at Felicia and a big sloppy kiss and hug from Kenny she told me she would call me tomorrow and headed out the door. Our little family was all in one room. I gave Felicia to Jason and held Kenny for a while. We talked about his new sister and all the fun we were going to have when Mommy got better. Soon it was time for Jason to take Kenny to my cousin's house for the night. They left.

I wiggled out of bed, grabbed Felicia and the preemie outfit and went for a little walk. I made it to the nurses station a little faster than earlier in the day. I was getting better. Feeling stronger. I asked the nurse if she would please give the little outfit to the mom with the early baby. The nurse teared up. I explained my reasoning. No one plans on a preemie. All the baby shower gifts are geared for 0-3 months old. I know all mine were. This little baby deserves to have something more than the tacky hospital t-shirt to wear. Every girl needs to feel pretty. I told her it was washed about two days ago in Baby Dreft and to please tell the mom that I am thinking about her. The nurse was crying and I was crying and Felicia was looking at me like I was a basket case. I headed back to my room.

Jason got back just as Doc Hall was giving Felicia her last check up. He said that she was ready to go home when I was. She looks great, healthy, happy and he wants to see her about four days after we get home. The nurse handed him a clipboard, he signed the release papers and they both left. I looked at Jason. "I want to go home." Jason rolled his eyes. "Just one more night. We can go home in the morning." I reached over and hit the nurse call button. When supernurse came in I brightened up. She told me she had just come on shift and was happy to see that we were doing well. I told her I wanted to go home. "I will have to get the doctor to sign you out, but I doubt he will." I grinned," Oh, he will let me go. He knows how much I hate hospitals."

Doc Chacon came into the room about 6 that evening. He poked and prodded, checked and rechecked then asked, "Did Hall come to check on Felicia yet?" I nodded. "Ok, then you can go, but take it easy. You are still very weak. I want to see you in three days and I better not see any infection or I won't release you early next time." I smiled at him. "Ok." He signed the paperwork and we packed. We headed home about 7:30pm.

I admit (you better not tell anyone), I was too weak to drive. I actually let Jason drive us all the way home. It took about 40 minutes since it had started to snow. We got home and Felicia and I settled in while Jason went to get Kenny. I think we offended my cousin by picking him up early, but I was never concerned about her taking care of him. I was concerned about missing him so horribly my heart literally ached. I just wanted everyone home, with me.