Three Years Too Long!!

We headed to the beach almost everyday during our visit to Oregon. During the first visit I started to tear up as soon as I could smell that ocean breeze. Call me crazy. Actually, if you have been reading along so far, you know I am crazy. The kids didn't understand mommy's emotions. They were confused and Kenny kept running to me and giving me hugs.

We hit the beach with force! Well, ok...we parked the truck and started to hike through heavy sand to the beach and actually had to force ourselves not to fall over in our tracks. The only one that wasn't huffing and puffing was Kenny. Jason carried Felicia in the babypack, I carried the blankets and snacks, my sister carried her stuff and we finally made it with red faces and tired legs. We chose a spot to lay our blankets down. We were about 50 ft from the water. Kenny sat in the sand and started to giggle as he buried his legs. I didn't notice when he had got up. I was trying to position Felicia's sunhat on her head.

I thought that Kenny would be afraid of the water. The sound of those waves crashing to shore should be scary to a little critter like Kenny. He wouldn't go near it unless mommy or daddy was there to show him it wasn't scary. Right? Wrong! He saw that beautiful blue water foaming as it hit the sand and he took off like a rocket! My sister and I both said "Shit, get Kenny" at the same time. We both dropped what we were holding and dashed after him. I caught his arm just as a wave knocked him on his butt, pulling him out of my hand. His whole little body was underwater!! I grabbed his arm and pulled him up. He was LAUGHING! Yep, my husband had the mind to take a picture!! MEN!

I couldn't believe it.

That just goes to show you what "mommy adrenaline" can do! Here I was, wiped out from
walking down the path from the truck. Overweight. A smoker. Psoratic arthritis in just about every joint. Still, I dashed down that beach like I was in an Iron Man competition. Insane!

We spent the rest of the day trying to teach Kenny respect for the water and trying to keep Felicia safe from the sun. She thought it funny to have the wind in her face, but she freaked if the sun got anywhere near her.

I was so happy to be back at the beach. Three years is a long time for someone who seems so connected with the peace and beauty of land at the edge of the water. Yup, I am nuts. I guess it stems from all the camping trips we went on when I was a kid. We would go crabbing, clamming and every Thanksgiving the whole family would meet at Dillons Beach in California to celebrate with lots of food and fun. It was nice. No, it was wonderful.


I knew after today that I couldn't give up the coast. I couldn't give it up at all. Alaska is beautiful. Jason's parents are wonderful and generous, but this is where I belonged. If I couldn't live on the beach I had to at least be close enough for a day trip. I didn't know how to explain this to Jason, but I think he knew already what was in my heart. I didn't even want to go back to the truck. Honestly, if it wasn't for my little angels needing food and sleep, I would have built a little lean-to and lived right there forever.

After a few hours we headed back to mom's house. It is about a 40 minute drive. Yes, I teared up again when I turned the corner and lost sight of the water. I rolled down my window and sniffed until my nose hurt! Jason looked at me like I was crazy, but he smiled. He asked me if there was any chance we would still choose to move to Alaska. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Hell No." He mentioned, "You know it will be difficult for me to get a nerd job on the coast. We would have to live inland." I replied, "As long as I am close enough to take a day trip to the beach I don't care where we live." Jason said, "We still need to weigh all the options. Think about what a move would mean. A new job, etc." I agreed to think about it, but I guess it was a lie. From that point on I wanted nothing more than to feel that sand between my toes again. I left the thinking to Jason. I was just going to let myself feel.