Pure Beauty

I suppose some may think that my attitude as a patient is over the top.  Perhaps you believe that I am making this crap up off the top of my head.  Rest assured....I am really that much of a pain in the ass!  I have little patience when it comes to this body of mine and even less patience for people who tell me I need to "rest" or "calm down" or my husband's favorite 'ism, "put ice on it."  Ugh. 

So, I am now on my way to my room.  My heart was pounding and my brain was flashing through the images of my first real moments with my first two critters. 

As we turn into the doorway I see my husband standing there under the television.  He is looking at me expectantly.  I see no baby.  Well, here comes that anger..."where is my baby!?" Jason tells me that I was gone so long that the nurse took her for her vitals and such.  "Why can't she do that here in the room where I can watch her?" He didn't know.  Just as I was attempting to pull my big butt out of bed so that I could march down the hall and rip some heads off (ok, I couldn't have walked...but that wouldn't have stopped me) Nurse Betty comes into the room wheeling the baby cart.  My anger disappeared.  There before me was a blessing with the cutest little scrunchy face and sweetest little puckered lips.  She was burrito-ed up in blankets and sleeping. 

Tears found their way to my eyes and I couldn't stop staring at her. 

Nurse Betty fussed over me for a bit and explained that she was going to be taking care of us for the next few days, during her shift.  I wondered if she was strong enough.  She whispered something to Jason as she passed him and then went to work on taking my blood pressure, temp, checking my circulation yadda yadda.  Jason started to unwrap our angel and proceeded to change her diaper.  I saw red.  I could have killed the man right there.  I am the mom, I am supposed to change her first diaper!  Yes, reason, that really shy idiot that sits at the back of my emotional chaos told me that he is Daddy. He isn't going to hurt her. He can do this.  Besides while I was recovering she must have had her diaper changed a few times.  Unfortunately the Mom-Beast in me only saw red and stomped on little woosy reason.  I think I actually growled.  Nurse Betty must have sensed there was something wrong because she started chatting me up about baby's first hour, her Apgar scores (10/10) and other little things that somehow softened me instantly.  I learned that she was a little poop machine, that she has an attitude (oh so proud is me) and that she seems to be more "cuddlely" than a most newborns. 

With  my vitals checked, I positioned myself and Jason handed me our sweet little critter.  So soft, warm.  She really loved to nestle herself up to me.  I hummed to her and stroked her head and she opened her beautiful eyes to look at me.  I don't know how long we sat like that, I was lost in that beauty.  She seemed to look at me for so long!  We were inturrupted when Sherry walked in.  She cooed over our angel as she started to explain to me that my recovery was going to frustrate me. 

I told her not to worry.  I was gonna be out of here tomorrow and that is that.  She got that stern face and told me that I would be lucky to get out of here by Monday.  Excuse me!!  "I don't like hospitals, I will be out of here by Saturday night!"  Sherry simply shook her head and then this patronizing smile formed on her face.  "We shall see," was all she said as she left the room. 

There was no room for me to fight with her.  I was full of love and feeling so light and happy.  My arms were full of sweetness!  I couldn't help myself.  I had to unwrap her little feet and play with them.  So awesome!  I love baby feet.  I think she gave me a dirty look but with me as a mom she would have to get used to this baby feet thing.  As I set her up to breastfeed, I prayed she would take to it.  She did. No problem.  In fact she sighed like this was what she was waiting for her whole life. :) We were both in heaven.

As I fed her, Jason and I started to talk about her name.  I asked, "Do you think that the name we chose fits her?"  He said, "Yes, it really does."  With that it was confirmed.

On June 18th Lilian Violet McMillen was born.  She weighed 6lbs,15oz

I couldn't wait for Kenny and Felicia to see her!!