I am so thankful to those of you who come here often to read our story. It warms my heart to read your comments and it always makes my husband laugh when he gets home from work and reads my latest "Therapy Session" (what he calls my posts).
I am sad to say that I must take a little holiday break. First, I don't feel like I can accurately remember the details of my feelings I love to revisit and write about. There is a ton of stuff going on this time of year for many of us. I know I am not alone. For some reason I really enjoy baking and this year I have added a lot of people to my list. As just a hint to my insanity I am starting out by making 12 loaves of banana nut and zucchini bread (ea) on Saturday. You don't want to know about the cookies and fudge. You would most likely have me committed! :) There are always projects for me....I do it to myself. Painting my Christmas Village, hand-making stockings, various craft ideas that pop in my head, making personalized gifts for my kids and so on. Yep, I am crazy and I love it.
So, I plan to get back on track soon. I may just get some time next week. We shall see. Please stay with me on the blog. I really do find comfort and sanity in writing it and in the knowledge that you enjoy our journey.
Thanks
Paula
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Boom Boom
Just a few days before my appointment, Kenny had his one year immunization appointment. That was fun!! Ha! After the nurse poked him in both arms and both thighs he cried for all of 40 seconds. Then he turned to the nurse, who was calmly trying to make up to him by rubbing his back while I held him, and let out a barage of baby profanity and venom. I don't mean a simple dirty look and high piched whine. Nope. My adorable, sweet little blue-eyed, angel-faced boy turned his head around (have you seen the Exorcist?) looked her straight in the eye and boo'd, goo'd, baa'd and jumbled out a 20 second spitfire retort to her treatment of him. She was taken aback. Hell, I was taken aback! He then turned back to me. He wouldn't even look at her when we passed her desk on the way out! Wow. I thought I had a smart mouth. If this was a look at things to come, I am in trouble!!
Appointment time again. Today is the 19th of July and we are going to hear that sweet sound that brings tears to your eyes. I don't care how many kids you have, when you hear that heartbeat echo from your womb your emotions (ya-ya, prego emotions are more intense, I know) take a leap in spirit and your heart melts into a warm ooey-gooey puddle of love.
In the exam room, Jason bundled Kenny into his lap and Dr Chacon got to work squirting cold goo on my belly. Kenny wasn't sure what to think about this. He kept giving the doc dirty looks and reaching out to me. He had developed a little distrust for lab coats since his immunization shots. Chacon placed the wand just below my belly button and started to move down. Suddenly, "boom boom" loud and clear!! Kenny cocked his head to listen. Jason and I met eyes and the tears started flowing. There it was again. That sound. The most beautiful sound on the planet. We couldn't get the sound on our home dopplar...probably because we were positioning the wand too high.
I couldn't believe that it was possible to be so excited about hearing the heartbeat of this child. We were listening to Kenny almost everyday before I had him. Surely I had developed some immunity to the sweetness, the beauty, the grand feeling of being one with nature. My heart fluttered. My eyes teared. I am going to be a mommy again. Another sweet spirit of innocence was giving me the opportunity and trust of raising it, teaching it, loving it. Holy Cow. I am the luckiest person on this planet!! The doctor finished up with checking me out. Everything was right on track. Baby sounded great. Kenny is adorable. I am fine. Done.
It was probably a week later when I did what I call, the "worsest mommy thing ever." Jason left for work, I played with Kenny, cleaned the house etc etc. No matter what I did to try to keep myself awake, that early pregnancy "exhaustion" took over. I couldn't sit down for a minute with out catching myself dozing off!! AAAHH! I can't sleep. I have to keep an eye on Kenny! He wasn't taking his morning nap anymore and it was about four hours away before his afternoon nap. I had to do something. So here comes the "worsest mommy thing ever." It was about 11am. I called Jason, asked him to call me at noon sharp. He was busy and told me he would. He didn't question me. Thank God. I felt so guilty. Still, guilt wasn't enough to keep my engine running. I put Kenny in his crib with a few of his favorite toys. I turned on the stereo. I turned on the baby monitor. I then went to my bed, lay down and was asleep before my eyes could close. I got about an hour in. Kenny didn't peep. When the phone rang at noon I flew out of bed worried that Kenny was loose and alone in the house. I envisioned him eating rat poisoning under the sink(we didn't have rat poisoning, hmm, baby book paranioa?) I ran into his room. He was sitting down in the crib, playing with his toys and singing with the music. The strength of my relief could have powered a small town for two weeks!! But, I felt better, I didn't feel like I was going to fall over. Still, even today, I feel guilty. I felt selfish. Then came the realization that I had made a choice. I chose to get some sleep for the baby inside me instead of insuring the happiness of the baby outside. I was going to have to figure out a better way to keep everyone happy.
That same week I got the horrible call. There wasn't much time left before my grandmother, the most beautiful, true, honest and self-less women on this Earth, was going to need hospice. My aunt told me that it would most likely happen within the next two weeks! She had been diagnosed with alzhiemers about a year ago. She had her good times and her bad times. She would sing to Kenny during our visits and give me encouragement as to my abilities to be a good mom. This woman. This beautiful woman whom I respected more than any other on this planet was going to leave soon. This was very much not ok with me. I went through the gammet. I cried, I got angry, I got depressed, I went on a rampage at how unfair it is to my kids not to know her as I do. I felt lost. Being that I was pregnant, with a small one in tow, the family had slowly cut me out of grandma's care. I still went to visit. I still went to talk with her and be with her. I just couldn't believe that she may not be there to see this baby be born. She won't be there to let Kenny stir the gravy on holidays. She won't be there.
Appointment time again. Today is the 19th of July and we are going to hear that sweet sound that brings tears to your eyes. I don't care how many kids you have, when you hear that heartbeat echo from your womb your emotions (ya-ya, prego emotions are more intense, I know) take a leap in spirit and your heart melts into a warm ooey-gooey puddle of love.
In the exam room, Jason bundled Kenny into his lap and Dr Chacon got to work squirting cold goo on my belly. Kenny wasn't sure what to think about this. He kept giving the doc dirty looks and reaching out to me. He had developed a little distrust for lab coats since his immunization shots. Chacon placed the wand just below my belly button and started to move down. Suddenly, "boom boom" loud and clear!! Kenny cocked his head to listen. Jason and I met eyes and the tears started flowing. There it was again. That sound. The most beautiful sound on the planet. We couldn't get the sound on our home dopplar...probably because we were positioning the wand too high.
I couldn't believe that it was possible to be so excited about hearing the heartbeat of this child. We were listening to Kenny almost everyday before I had him. Surely I had developed some immunity to the sweetness, the beauty, the grand feeling of being one with nature. My heart fluttered. My eyes teared. I am going to be a mommy again. Another sweet spirit of innocence was giving me the opportunity and trust of raising it, teaching it, loving it. Holy Cow. I am the luckiest person on this planet!! The doctor finished up with checking me out. Everything was right on track. Baby sounded great. Kenny is adorable. I am fine. Done.
It was probably a week later when I did what I call, the "worsest mommy thing ever." Jason left for work, I played with Kenny, cleaned the house etc etc. No matter what I did to try to keep myself awake, that early pregnancy "exhaustion" took over. I couldn't sit down for a minute with out catching myself dozing off!! AAAHH! I can't sleep. I have to keep an eye on Kenny! He wasn't taking his morning nap anymore and it was about four hours away before his afternoon nap. I had to do something. So here comes the "worsest mommy thing ever." It was about 11am. I called Jason, asked him to call me at noon sharp. He was busy and told me he would. He didn't question me. Thank God. I felt so guilty. Still, guilt wasn't enough to keep my engine running. I put Kenny in his crib with a few of his favorite toys. I turned on the stereo. I turned on the baby monitor. I then went to my bed, lay down and was asleep before my eyes could close. I got about an hour in. Kenny didn't peep. When the phone rang at noon I flew out of bed worried that Kenny was loose and alone in the house. I envisioned him eating rat poisoning under the sink(we didn't have rat poisoning, hmm, baby book paranioa?) I ran into his room. He was sitting down in the crib, playing with his toys and singing with the music. The strength of my relief could have powered a small town for two weeks!! But, I felt better, I didn't feel like I was going to fall over. Still, even today, I feel guilty. I felt selfish. Then came the realization that I had made a choice. I chose to get some sleep for the baby inside me instead of insuring the happiness of the baby outside. I was going to have to figure out a better way to keep everyone happy.
That same week I got the horrible call. There wasn't much time left before my grandmother, the most beautiful, true, honest and self-less women on this Earth, was going to need hospice. My aunt told me that it would most likely happen within the next two weeks! She had been diagnosed with alzhiemers about a year ago. She had her good times and her bad times. She would sing to Kenny during our visits and give me encouragement as to my abilities to be a good mom. This woman. This beautiful woman whom I respected more than any other on this planet was going to leave soon. This was very much not ok with me. I went through the gammet. I cried, I got angry, I got depressed, I went on a rampage at how unfair it is to my kids not to know her as I do. I felt lost. Being that I was pregnant, with a small one in tow, the family had slowly cut me out of grandma's care. I still went to visit. I still went to talk with her and be with her. I just couldn't believe that she may not be there to see this baby be born. She won't be there to let Kenny stir the gravy on holidays. She won't be there.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Now What?
I am pregnant. Ok. Pregnant. Knocked up. Again. With child. Glowing. A mommy to the second power. So, now what?
Let's figure this out.
Jason and I talked and talked, discussed and planned. Two kids. A two bedroom house. One bath. No problem, we will be a close family. Dwelling handled. Then Jason asked if I thought it was a boy or girl. "Girl" I said. Hmm, so the dwelling thing would still be ok until Kenny turns....what, maybe 7 or 8? They just share the larger of the two rooms. Done.
Next.
Two kids are twice as expensive. Though, we save a ton not having to buy a new car seat, stroller etc. But we need another crib. We can do that. Some clothes can be handed down, and a baby shower with a request for "girlie" stuff will take care of the rest. Great.
Next.
When to tell people. Gee, that isn't hard. We will tell family if they ask but try to wait the 3 months like we did with Kenny. Cool. Even better, the three month mark falls close to Kenny's 1st bday, he can wear a shirt that says, "I will be a big brother." We will see who can guess. Neat!
Next.
Mommy. Jason went through a long list of concerns about my health. Will I be too tired, will my psoriasis, arthritis, sciatic be able to hold up another pregnancy so soon? I simply replied,"It is a little late to think of that, don't ya think?" I love that my husband is protective and concerned for me, but I am no China Doll. He then suggested hiring a part time nanny if we can budget it. Good LORD! What am I? Some Victorian era Belle that gets the "vapors" because my corset is too tight?!!? Gee, let's get a wet nurse too. Then we can turn the garage into a den and smoke pipes and drink martinis while reading old Dickens novels with Mozart quietly playing in the background. We won't raise our own kids, nope, let some sad, homely, man-less woman do it for us. Better yet! Let's get a french maid to clean the house and service the husband when I am too tired for sex because I have spent all day yelling at the wet nurse!!! Come on!! We can do better still!! Let's just have a marriage of convenience...we could get a pool boy too. He can give me a "massage" while I watch the soaps and eat bon bons when the kids are napping!!! Now, that is a plan!!
Jason didn't appreciate my sarcasm.
We moved on. We mapped out a rough plan for finances, living space, things we need, things we don't. We even made a "medical" plan. Things I promised to talk to the doctor about, get tested for etc, after the baby was born.
So, we are ready. Right?
We both seemed to get more excited as every day passed. I, now a veteran of the baby section at Wal-mart, allowed myself to pick up some gender neutral stuff. I reminded myself everytime that it wasn't a "sure"thing that this baby was a girl. Still, I had to buy stuff. I was full on addicted to the whole baby thing.
With everything done, and only half of the guests actually not staying at my house, I retreated to Kenny's room, grabbed him sleeping from his crib, creeped to our room, closed the door and snuggled up with a baby in my arms and one in my belly. I sang softly to both of them and drifted off to sleep.
Another milestone passed. I got so sad. Why does he have to grow up? It sucked!! To make things worse, I am only pregnant for 9 months. Damn. That isn't long enough. The next prenatal appointment was coming soon too. We should hear the heartbeat. I didn't even feel like I had been pregnant long enough yet. No Fair no fair!! I wanted desperately to slow down time. Kenny is close to walking. I have already felt flutters from the baby growing inside me. Pretty soon I was going to watch them graduate college!! NO FAIR!
Let's figure this out.
Jason and I talked and talked, discussed and planned. Two kids. A two bedroom house. One bath. No problem, we will be a close family. Dwelling handled. Then Jason asked if I thought it was a boy or girl. "Girl" I said. Hmm, so the dwelling thing would still be ok until Kenny turns....what, maybe 7 or 8? They just share the larger of the two rooms. Done.
Next.
Two kids are twice as expensive. Though, we save a ton not having to buy a new car seat, stroller etc. But we need another crib. We can do that. Some clothes can be handed down, and a baby shower with a request for "girlie" stuff will take care of the rest. Great.
Next.
When to tell people. Gee, that isn't hard. We will tell family if they ask but try to wait the 3 months like we did with Kenny. Cool. Even better, the three month mark falls close to Kenny's 1st bday, he can wear a shirt that says, "I will be a big brother." We will see who can guess. Neat!
Next.
Mommy. Jason went through a long list of concerns about my health. Will I be too tired, will my psoriasis, arthritis, sciatic be able to hold up another pregnancy so soon? I simply replied,"It is a little late to think of that, don't ya think?" I love that my husband is protective and concerned for me, but I am no China Doll. He then suggested hiring a part time nanny if we can budget it. Good LORD! What am I? Some Victorian era Belle that gets the "vapors" because my corset is too tight?!!? Gee, let's get a wet nurse too. Then we can turn the garage into a den and smoke pipes and drink martinis while reading old Dickens novels with Mozart quietly playing in the background. We won't raise our own kids, nope, let some sad, homely, man-less woman do it for us. Better yet! Let's get a french maid to clean the house and service the husband when I am too tired for sex because I have spent all day yelling at the wet nurse!!! Come on!! We can do better still!! Let's just have a marriage of convenience...we could get a pool boy too. He can give me a "massage" while I watch the soaps and eat bon bons when the kids are napping!!! Now, that is a plan!!
Jason didn't appreciate my sarcasm.
We moved on. We mapped out a rough plan for finances, living space, things we need, things we don't. We even made a "medical" plan. Things I promised to talk to the doctor about, get tested for etc, after the baby was born.
So, we are ready. Right?
We both seemed to get more excited as every day passed. I, now a veteran of the baby section at Wal-mart, allowed myself to pick up some gender neutral stuff. I reminded myself everytime that it wasn't a "sure"thing that this baby was a girl. Still, I had to buy stuff. I was full on addicted to the whole baby thing.
We focused on Kenny's first birthday. July 6th. The party was to be held on the 8th to accommodate friends and family. We spent WAY too much on that party. We had a HUGE back yard BBQ. Just about everyone made the trip, including my grandma from LA, on my dad's side. It was awesome! We had to build a tent city in the back yard to house some of the guests. My mom and dad made the trip with my sister, her kids and my brother's kids. My brother was manning fires in CA and his girlfriend had to work so they didn't come. Jason manned the grill and drank beer with all the men. Most of who wore a t-shirt proclaiming him to be the best, dad, grandpa, etc. The women fussed over Kenny and the other kids. Carol and her family came. What a relief!! She was my rock. This family "merger" thing just about drove me nuts. Everyone knew ahead of time that I was pregnant so that wasn't a big deal. Kenny did wear a "I'm gonna be a big brother" shirt. It was a chaotic mess. I had to bite my tongue a few times (and you don't know how hard that is for me) but we all got through it with smiles, both genuine and not so genuine. Kenny was so tired. He refused to nap earlier. He had taken a liking to my friend (since age 5) Tonya. She gave him straight apple juice where I usually watered it down. She instantly became his new girlfriend. At cake time he ended up rubbing blue frosting into his eyes. That was so sad. By the time he was flopping over in the high chair, Jason took him in for a bath. He had to change the water twice because it kept turning blue. I was running on pure adrenaline. I just wanted my house back in order before bed. Carol stayed and helped clean up. Did I say how awesome she is?!!?
I am One!!
I am One!!
With everything done, and only half of the guests actually not staying at my house, I retreated to Kenny's room, grabbed him sleeping from his crib, creeped to our room, closed the door and snuggled up with a baby in my arms and one in my belly. I sang softly to both of them and drifted off to sleep.
Another milestone passed. I got so sad. Why does he have to grow up? It sucked!! To make things worse, I am only pregnant for 9 months. Damn. That isn't long enough. The next prenatal appointment was coming soon too. We should hear the heartbeat. I didn't even feel like I had been pregnant long enough yet. No Fair no fair!! I wanted desperately to slow down time. Kenny is close to walking. I have already felt flutters from the baby growing inside me. Pretty soon I was going to watch them graduate college!! NO FAIR!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Dancing Gummy Bear
It is appointment day. I pack up Kenny and his travel gear and head out the door. Jason met me at the doc's office taking as little time as possible from work. He had already used up most of his vacation time taking care of me when I was sick.
We hadn't talked too much in the last couple days. We were both still in shock! We knew it was possible because we tossed the condoms out back in February, but somewhere in the back of my mind I figured it would be just as hard to get pregnant the second time as it was the first. I mean look at the facts, it took a surgery to remove damaged tissue to get me knocked up before. Since I had a C-section, wouldn't that damage tissue, wouldn't that mean I had to have that removed to get knocked up again? The great condom toss was a mutual decision. We didn't have to worry about birth control from day one since all the doctors said getting pregnant was impossible, so we weren't used to them. They honestly became a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I am all in for birth control. Yet, we just didn't like them.
I was extremely excited to be pregnant again. Seriously. I LOVED being pregnant the first time. I love everything about it. I just wasn't expecting it. I think Jason was excited too. For the time being though, we were just in a state of utter shock.
Walking into the OBGYN's office for the first time in about 8 months was a little unnerving. Almost a de-ja-voo thing. Jason looked a little nervous too. Kenny loved it. Maybe pregnant people have an aura about them that attracts kids...maybe Kenny is just a big flirt. Regardless, he was wrestling out of our arms to crawl around the floor. He would find a lady and give her his big "goo goo" eyes. She would coo at him and then he would move to the next. Luckily our wait wasn't long.
The nurse set me up on the table. Took my BP, pulse...etc. She asked me if we planned this. Are you kidding? Did you not hear me? We didn't have sex!! She humored me with a smile then went into the whole Q&A about when was my last period...April 3rd. Am I on any medications...No. WAIT Holy Shit! I was sick for most of April. I was on Codine, Steroids, Anitbiotics! NO NO NO! These medications aren't OK for a baby! There is going to be something wrong with the baby!! I started to cry. She left to get the doctor.
Doc Chacon came in smiling. Tears were rolling down my face! He told me that the medications I was on doesn't mean the baby will have problems. He felt around my belly, calculated the due date according to my cycle...January 10th. I got a warning about getting pregnant so soon after a C-Section. He explained a bunch of other stuff too. I wasn't listening. My mind was focused on two things. First. WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX! Second. THE MEDICATIONS!! This baby is going to have two heads and five arms!!
Doc Chacon let me go through my little episode. He then told me he wanted to do an internal ultrasound to get a better "look at things." He left to get the nurse. I told Jason to hand me Kenny. I cuddled him and kissed him to calm myself down. He looked at my face, touched one of the tears rolling down my nose then laughed. He knew what I needed. What an angel.
The nurse, Kelly came in and led us to another room. We filed in, set down our baby gear then she explained I was to get undressed from the waist down. That is when it hit me. INTERNAL ultlrasound. Oh Great!! Oh Joy!! Time for the stick camera!! Whoo Hoo. I looked at Kenny and prepared myself for the "fun." I told myself that at least I would be able to see the little peanut.
Peanut. Nope, no peanut. There was no peanut. After Chacon came in and got his wand from hell into position, he giggled. I gave him a dirty look. He turned the video screen to me and said," looks like you had sex to me." There was no peanut. What I saw on the screen was a little gummy bear. You could make out the little nubs of developing arms and legs...and not only that. IT WAS DANCING! I know that sounds nuts. But you know me. It was really dancing. it was waving the little nubs, kicking it's little leg nubs and jiggling back and forth. I laughed. Jason laughed. Doc and nurse laughed. Even Kenny laughed.
Chacon told the nurse to change the due date to Jan 6th. My Grandma's Birthday!!! He told me it looks like I got pregnant soon after my last period. That meant I was on every medication and sick as a dog!! Wait, we didn't have sex!! I was dying!! He smiled and told me that everything looked fine. The baby looked to be on track to develop just fine. I was so elated to see this sweet little spirit I let myself let go of my paranoia. It was dancing!! We couldn't get a picture printout. Apparently the machine he used didn't have a printer. Crap. Still, I will never forget that vision. A beautiful gummy bear.... dancing.
We hadn't talked too much in the last couple days. We were both still in shock! We knew it was possible because we tossed the condoms out back in February, but somewhere in the back of my mind I figured it would be just as hard to get pregnant the second time as it was the first. I mean look at the facts, it took a surgery to remove damaged tissue to get me knocked up before. Since I had a C-section, wouldn't that damage tissue, wouldn't that mean I had to have that removed to get knocked up again? The great condom toss was a mutual decision. We didn't have to worry about birth control from day one since all the doctors said getting pregnant was impossible, so we weren't used to them. They honestly became a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I am all in for birth control. Yet, we just didn't like them.
I was extremely excited to be pregnant again. Seriously. I LOVED being pregnant the first time. I love everything about it. I just wasn't expecting it. I think Jason was excited too. For the time being though, we were just in a state of utter shock.
Walking into the OBGYN's office for the first time in about 8 months was a little unnerving. Almost a de-ja-voo thing. Jason looked a little nervous too. Kenny loved it. Maybe pregnant people have an aura about them that attracts kids...maybe Kenny is just a big flirt. Regardless, he was wrestling out of our arms to crawl around the floor. He would find a lady and give her his big "goo goo" eyes. She would coo at him and then he would move to the next. Luckily our wait wasn't long.
The nurse set me up on the table. Took my BP, pulse...etc. She asked me if we planned this. Are you kidding? Did you not hear me? We didn't have sex!! She humored me with a smile then went into the whole Q&A about when was my last period...April 3rd. Am I on any medications...No. WAIT Holy Shit! I was sick for most of April. I was on Codine, Steroids, Anitbiotics! NO NO NO! These medications aren't OK for a baby! There is going to be something wrong with the baby!! I started to cry. She left to get the doctor.
Doc Chacon came in smiling. Tears were rolling down my face! He told me that the medications I was on doesn't mean the baby will have problems. He felt around my belly, calculated the due date according to my cycle...January 10th. I got a warning about getting pregnant so soon after a C-Section. He explained a bunch of other stuff too. I wasn't listening. My mind was focused on two things. First. WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX! Second. THE MEDICATIONS!! This baby is going to have two heads and five arms!!
Doc Chacon let me go through my little episode. He then told me he wanted to do an internal ultrasound to get a better "look at things." He left to get the nurse. I told Jason to hand me Kenny. I cuddled him and kissed him to calm myself down. He looked at my face, touched one of the tears rolling down my nose then laughed. He knew what I needed. What an angel.
The nurse, Kelly came in and led us to another room. We filed in, set down our baby gear then she explained I was to get undressed from the waist down. That is when it hit me. INTERNAL ultlrasound. Oh Great!! Oh Joy!! Time for the stick camera!! Whoo Hoo. I looked at Kenny and prepared myself for the "fun." I told myself that at least I would be able to see the little peanut.
Peanut. Nope, no peanut. There was no peanut. After Chacon came in and got his wand from hell into position, he giggled. I gave him a dirty look. He turned the video screen to me and said," looks like you had sex to me." There was no peanut. What I saw on the screen was a little gummy bear. You could make out the little nubs of developing arms and legs...and not only that. IT WAS DANCING! I know that sounds nuts. But you know me. It was really dancing. it was waving the little nubs, kicking it's little leg nubs and jiggling back and forth. I laughed. Jason laughed. Doc and nurse laughed. Even Kenny laughed.
Chacon told the nurse to change the due date to Jan 6th. My Grandma's Birthday!!! He told me it looks like I got pregnant soon after my last period. That meant I was on every medication and sick as a dog!! Wait, we didn't have sex!! I was dying!! He smiled and told me that everything looked fine. The baby looked to be on track to develop just fine. I was so elated to see this sweet little spirit I let myself let go of my paranoia. It was dancing!! We couldn't get a picture printout. Apparently the machine he used didn't have a printer. Crap. Still, I will never forget that vision. A beautiful gummy bear.... dancing.
Monday, December 1, 2008
"When did we have sex?"
My birthday is at the end of March. To my suprise, my mom and my sister and a gaggle of children came to Nevada from Oregon for a visit and to help me celebrate. Unfortunately, someone brought up a flu bug. I am not one to get sick at the drop of a hat. My psoriasis makes my immune system work on overdrive, so it takes a real mean bug to get at me. Apparently this was a big meanie.
Not two days after they left to go home, around April 4th or so, I was at the doctor complaining of troubles breathing and a throat so sore I thought I was going to cough out my tonsils! I had a bit of a fever and a little nasuea. The doctor put me on an oral steroid, codine cough syrup (yuck) and nebulizer treatments. My blood oxygen levels were low and my asthma was really angry. I did as doc ordered and took my medications, rested and so on. Jason took off work for a total of two weeks to take care of me and Kenny! I was in and out of the doc's office the whole time. Doc insisted that I go into the hospital, I refused. I couldn't be away from my baby overnight, nuh uh, no way.
This virus kicked my butt around for a month. It was the worst "sick" I have ever been. Both Kenny and Jason never caught it, for that I am thankful. By the end of April, I was on the mend. I was still weak and tired all the time, but things were looking to get back to normal.
May 4th. I was due to sleep in. Jason offered to get up with Kenny and feed him breakfast then play until I decided to get up and be a mommy. Wow! I get to sleep in!!! Rock ON!!
Around 6 am I shot out of bed like a bullet. I was sweating! I had that dream again. Remember the one I told you about in Kenny's story? The one that would make a porn star blush!!?!! This was the same dream with a little twist. I can't go into detail, mostly because I am blushing just thinking about it, but mainly because you would think I was a sicko freak for having the dream!!
I went straight to the bathroom, flushed, breathing hard and thinking," What the HELL was that!!?" Jason heard me and came in with Kenny in tow. They had just gotten out of bed not 20 minutes ago. He asked me what was wrong. I stared at him blankly, then gathering my wits I told him I was just worried about the baby and I guess I can't sleep in. He took it that I didn't trust him and the conversation went from there. Why didn't I tell him about the dream? To this day, I don't know.
The next day I met up with Jen, a friend who recently had her first child, and we headed to Wal-Mart for diapers and other mommy shopping fun. On the drive I told her that I have had real "intense" dreams the last couple of nights. She giggled and joked that I may be pregnant again. I didn't even crack a smile. My God! Kenny makes me so tired as it is now. Another baby? I still have a baby! Sure, Jason and I discussed getting pregnant again and decided that waiting until Kenny turned one before trying would make the kids close enough to get along, but far enough that I don't die from exhaustion. With my psoriasis and arthritis it was hard enough to feel like I was doing what was right for the baby I had now! Jen told me not to stress, " Just pick up a test while we are at the store and be done."
Ok. So, I did pick up a test. The next morning, before Jason headed to work, I took the test. It turned positive before I could set it down on the counter!! We were both shocked!! I wasn't late on my period. I wasn't even expecting it for another week. I ran out to the calandar. I looked over the last two months. I turned to Jason and asked, "When did we have sex?" I was sick just about all of April. He said he couldn't remember. We are new parents. Sex wasn't something that was a focal point anymore. I pretty much lost interest after I had Kenny. I mean come on! We couldn't have gotten "together" more than 5 or6 times in the last nine months!!
Stunned. Both of us speachless. Jason left for work. I fed Kenny. That afternoon I decided to take the test again. BOOM. It showed positive before I could remove it from the "stream." How could you be SOOO pregnant that the test results come that fast? My mind went through a whole psychotic list of ridiculous options. Maybe there was more than one baby. More that two? Maybe it was just left over hormones from having Kenny. Maybe the prego test was faulty, both sticks were from the same batch. Maybe the whole batch was faulty. I called Jason. "Bring home another test, another brand." He did. That night the same thing. Insta-positive!!
The next morning I called the doctor and asked to speak with his head nurse, Kelly. I told her I thought I was pregnant again. With joy in her voice, she spread congratulations on thick. I had to inturrupt her. I told her that it was impossible because we didn't have sex in the last two months. She was quiet a minute. "Are you sure?" I was pretty sure. But then....well maybe.....I just didn't know!! Kelly bipassed the receptionist and made me an appointment two days out.
I spent those two days waking from dreams that were more intense than they ever were while pregnant with Kenny. I was almost paranoid. Everyone who smiled at me had to know and they must think I was a freaky-sex-sicko!! The dreams were attacking me! Not just at night!! They happened during nap time too!! Holy Cow! I am a sicko!! The only time I didn't have those dreams was when I fell asleep holding Kenny. I was beginning to believe that I was going to have to sleep in the rocking chair, holding Kenny for the next nine months!!
We headed to the doctor on May 9th.
Not two days after they left to go home, around April 4th or so, I was at the doctor complaining of troubles breathing and a throat so sore I thought I was going to cough out my tonsils! I had a bit of a fever and a little nasuea. The doctor put me on an oral steroid, codine cough syrup (yuck) and nebulizer treatments. My blood oxygen levels were low and my asthma was really angry. I did as doc ordered and took my medications, rested and so on. Jason took off work for a total of two weeks to take care of me and Kenny! I was in and out of the doc's office the whole time. Doc insisted that I go into the hospital, I refused. I couldn't be away from my baby overnight, nuh uh, no way.
This virus kicked my butt around for a month. It was the worst "sick" I have ever been. Both Kenny and Jason never caught it, for that I am thankful. By the end of April, I was on the mend. I was still weak and tired all the time, but things were looking to get back to normal.
May 4th. I was due to sleep in. Jason offered to get up with Kenny and feed him breakfast then play until I decided to get up and be a mommy. Wow! I get to sleep in!!! Rock ON!!
Around 6 am I shot out of bed like a bullet. I was sweating! I had that dream again. Remember the one I told you about in Kenny's story? The one that would make a porn star blush!!?!! This was the same dream with a little twist. I can't go into detail, mostly because I am blushing just thinking about it, but mainly because you would think I was a sicko freak for having the dream!!
I went straight to the bathroom, flushed, breathing hard and thinking," What the HELL was that!!?" Jason heard me and came in with Kenny in tow. They had just gotten out of bed not 20 minutes ago. He asked me what was wrong. I stared at him blankly, then gathering my wits I told him I was just worried about the baby and I guess I can't sleep in. He took it that I didn't trust him and the conversation went from there. Why didn't I tell him about the dream? To this day, I don't know.
The next day I met up with Jen, a friend who recently had her first child, and we headed to Wal-Mart for diapers and other mommy shopping fun. On the drive I told her that I have had real "intense" dreams the last couple of nights. She giggled and joked that I may be pregnant again. I didn't even crack a smile. My God! Kenny makes me so tired as it is now. Another baby? I still have a baby! Sure, Jason and I discussed getting pregnant again and decided that waiting until Kenny turned one before trying would make the kids close enough to get along, but far enough that I don't die from exhaustion. With my psoriasis and arthritis it was hard enough to feel like I was doing what was right for the baby I had now! Jen told me not to stress, " Just pick up a test while we are at the store and be done."
Ok. So, I did pick up a test. The next morning, before Jason headed to work, I took the test. It turned positive before I could set it down on the counter!! We were both shocked!! I wasn't late on my period. I wasn't even expecting it for another week. I ran out to the calandar. I looked over the last two months. I turned to Jason and asked, "When did we have sex?" I was sick just about all of April. He said he couldn't remember. We are new parents. Sex wasn't something that was a focal point anymore. I pretty much lost interest after I had Kenny. I mean come on! We couldn't have gotten "together" more than 5 or6 times in the last nine months!!
Stunned. Both of us speachless. Jason left for work. I fed Kenny. That afternoon I decided to take the test again. BOOM. It showed positive before I could remove it from the "stream." How could you be SOOO pregnant that the test results come that fast? My mind went through a whole psychotic list of ridiculous options. Maybe there was more than one baby. More that two? Maybe it was just left over hormones from having Kenny. Maybe the prego test was faulty, both sticks were from the same batch. Maybe the whole batch was faulty. I called Jason. "Bring home another test, another brand." He did. That night the same thing. Insta-positive!!
The next morning I called the doctor and asked to speak with his head nurse, Kelly. I told her I thought I was pregnant again. With joy in her voice, she spread congratulations on thick. I had to inturrupt her. I told her that it was impossible because we didn't have sex in the last two months. She was quiet a minute. "Are you sure?" I was pretty sure. But then....well maybe.....I just didn't know!! Kelly bipassed the receptionist and made me an appointment two days out.
I spent those two days waking from dreams that were more intense than they ever were while pregnant with Kenny. I was almost paranoid. Everyone who smiled at me had to know and they must think I was a freaky-sex-sicko!! The dreams were attacking me! Not just at night!! They happened during nap time too!! Holy Cow! I am a sicko!! The only time I didn't have those dreams was when I fell asleep holding Kenny. I was beginning to believe that I was going to have to sleep in the rocking chair, holding Kenny for the next nine months!!
We headed to the doctor on May 9th.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
