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There is no denying that bringing Lilian into this world pretty much sapped every drop of sanity out of my already slightly nutty head.  I learned a lot of things....the most important being that I am more of a control freak than I thought I was.  It is one thing hating being in the hospital, it is quite another to put your health in jeopardy because you are a stubborn old wench. 

Sherry showed up the next morning as promised to check me out.  I was improving but my blood pressure was still way out of whack.  She wanted me to stay until it had stabilized, but I was determined to go home.  I pushed and pressed and promised to be a good girl.  There was no way I was going to spend another night in the hospital.  Eventually, Sherry agreed that I could go home as long as I monitored my blood pressure and called my numbers into the office.  I was almost giddy.  I was taking my little angel home and we would be a whole family again. 

Thinking back on it now, I really was desperate to have my family together.  I felt so separated.  I felt like an absentee mom.  I know that I was busy bringing another perfect little life into the world, but to me being a mom means having the strength to multi-task and take care of everyone and everything all at once.  I told you I was nuts, but it was a real wake up call to find myself unable to "be all I could (wanted) to be."

Filled with relief, I said my goodbyes to the staff and to the hospital.  I was wheeled to the truck surrounded by my family.  It was wonderful knowing that in just 30 minutes I would be home with my family together.  Jason drove us all home.  I carried little Lilian into the bedroom and curled up with her on my bed.  Kenny and Felicia were full of excitement and questions.  It was a picture perfect afternoon. 

Settling in at home went as expected. Lilian seemed more relaxed and I definitely was more relaxed.  My blood pressure numbers proved it.  We read books to the kids, put the to bed and headed for our room.  I fed Lilian while Jason and I chatted about the upcoming install of the central heat and a/c. 

Lilian woke a few times for feedings and we all slept soundly.  The morning came too fast and I woke feeling a little ache here and there but felt fine otherwise.  I sat up in bed and fed Lilian while Jason poured cereal for Kenny and Felicia then brought me some coffee. 

The time came to potty.  I lay my sleeping little cherub in her bed and stood up.  I was instantly dizzy.  Jason ran to my side to help me steady myself. I figured it was nothing to get scared about...after all, I slept well for the first time in days and just had major surgery.  Then I noticed that something was tapping my foot.  I looked down and from under my nightshirt I could see blood dripping onto my leg and foot.  I mean dripping.  Serious dripping like a whole in the roof kind of dripping.  Large splatters of blood had colored my foot red and were starting to seep into the carpet. 

Jason fell to his knees and lifted up my shirt.  There was a gaping hole in my lower stomach.  My incision had re-opened. I turned and looked at the bed.  Several large pools of dried blood marked my side of the mattress.  Apparently, I had been leaking for a while.  Great. Jason ran to grab the phone!