So, I simply went nuts!

I was slowly coming to terms with my fate.  Another stupid night in the hospital.  Another night of mama bear coming awake with a roar whenever someone enters the room.  Another night of that damn hospital food. 

After my afternoon freak out, I sat in my room listening to the radio and cuddling with Lilian.  Jason was on his way back with the kids again.  As they walked into the room, it hit me.  Who was going to take care of them tonight?  Was Jason not going to be able to stay with me?  Was I going to be alone in this damn room with a whole new set of nurses (Betty only works weekends) to piss me off?  Could I trust these nurses to let me go outside for some "fresh air" or were they going to try to tie my fat ass to the bed?  What obgyn is on call?  What if it is that psycho bitch, Schlau who told me I didn't care for the health of my baby?  I want to go home!

My mind was a screaming banshee of insanity.  I couldn't bring myself around.  I just sat there staring at the wall and feeling trapped.  So, I did what anyone would do.  I went nuts.  Loco.  Gonzo.  Not-of-this-planet.  Mental. Bananas.  Here come those men in the white coats now....

I started out crying, which easily transitioned into hysterics.  The day nurse chick (can't remember much about her ) came into the room.  Apparently they could hear me through the walls and shut door.  She tried to calm me down.  I wouldn't budge.  She was smart and didn't try to take Lilian from me.  That was good on her part. Suddenly, my psoriasis flamed up like a gas explosion and I almost passed out.  My skin turned fire engine red, swelled and I felt like I was on fire. 

That woke me up.  Nothing on this planet can grab your attention (besides a crying baby) like the entire surface of your body glowing red like some horribly evil comic book villain.  It was so painful, I forgot I was crying.  Sounds weird, I know.  I just instantly focused on the skin.  I had to calm it down or I was going to have what I call a heat stroke.  There is some weird medical term for it, but when my skin inflames too bad, I can go into seizures.  It has only happened to me once before and it scared the fucking shit out of me.  I really didn't want to relive that while I was holding an angel in my arms. 

I asked the nurse to start the shower and set the water to cold.  She looked at me with wide eyes.  LOL  It was kinda funny.  She watched me go from slightly human to glowing tomato in less than a minute.  I told her again to start the shower and set it to cold.  I followed her into the bathroom and shut the door behind us.  I handed Lilian to her and told her not to leave the room.  She agreed.  I explained what I was doing as I got undressed and stepped under the water.  "I have to cool my skin down and I have to do it now.  I just need you to be here for me in case I black out or do that stupid seizure thing.  I need my baby to be close to me so please for the sake of my sanity do NOT LEAVE this bathroom.  Ok?"  She replied, "Ok, but why did you turn all red like that?  There is no history of seizures in your file.  What is going on?"  She sounded kind of panicky.  Ha ha ha.  Tables turn over quick sometimes. 

Standing in the shower explaining all the fun and exciting things about my psoriasis did a lot to calm me down.  It only took about 15 minutes before I was able to feel the swelling go down and 5 minutes after that I was able to get out of the shower.  The nurse stepped out to get the cradle cart thingie and brought it in the bathroom for Lilian.  She was nice enough to help me put on my ointment medications and she changed my dressing (which was really icky since I didn't take it off before getting in the shower) all the while she was shooting psoriasis questions at me. 

After I was dressed and mostly human again, she stayed with me in the room and we talked about my insanity.  I told her about all the concerns I had.  She told me it was ok to be concerned but that Jason should stay home with the kids tonight.  She would make sure that the next shift nurses understood what I was going through. 

I actually agreed with her.  Until....

Well, until it was time for Jason to take the kids home for dinner and baths.  I didn't lose it so badly this time but I was desperate to not be alone.  We called everyone we knew.  Ok, that isn't many people but I figured that someone would understand and come to our rescue.  Nope.  Not even my mother.  I desperately asked Jason to call someone we know from his work.  Kenny and his son get along really well and share fun play dates so I thought maybe, if the kids could just sleep there while Jason tends to my nuttiness for the evening then all will be well. 

Jason made the call from home.  He had fed the kids and bathed them.  Lucky for me they agreed to have the kids for the night.  Kenny was excited and Felicia didn't seem to care one way or the other.  :)  Jason dropped the kids off around 9 pm.  He came straight to the hospital and stayed with me.  I am glad he did.  I was not mentally sound.  The strange thing is, I have always had pride in my ability to "keep it together" but I just didn't have the strength this time.  It really scared me.  I never needed anyone before so desperately.   I couldn't even crack a tasteless joke!

Early the next morning, Jason went to get the kids and came right back to the hospital.  We were going to wait for Sherry and see what this morning would bring.