Simple Reminders

This spring, after being prodded and nagged by my cousin, I joined Facebook. Since then, I have become rather addicted to the connections! Finding so many old school friends (ok, we aren't old just older than we were, right?) and connection with family has become a sort of strange addiction. I have limited myself to only going online when the kids are asleep or when they are out with daddy and Mommy gets a minute or two to herself. Still, Facebook has made me neglect my blog.

What a horrible thing. Writing this blog, even if no one ever read it, had become such a therapeutic remedy to the everyday crap that life throws at me. No, I don't have it worse or better than any...at least I don't see it that way. I just need to ground myself and this little blog thing was giving me what I needed. How dare I neglect it.

Over the last few weeks there have been little things hinting at me to get my shit back together. "Write in your blog, stupid!" I snapped at Kenny for doing nothing more than any other 4 year old would do...snapped hard. Bad Mom. Calm down lady! That was the kicker...the straw and the camel, the intervention...call it what you will. I have to get back to therapy. So here I am. If anyone cares to read it...great. If not.....at least I am helping my children by helping myself.

I sat down and copied/pasted all the past entries...printed them all out (my printer is pissed off at me) and left copies in each of the kids' keepsake boxes. Cuss words, smart ass remarks and all. They need to read this. They need to know mommy, even during her therapy sessions. To tell you the truth, five years ago I wanted to die. I was done with the crappy hand life had dealt me. Now, I am so afraid to die it makes my stomach turn. These are my angels. I was meant to nurture and love them. I was somehow chosen, I need to be the one to raise them. I have to be the one to teach them how to honestly love themselves...to know they are worthy of every dream and desire they have. So, I will keep writing....well, I will get back to writing. I may not be as fun as when I was recounting the "pregnancies" but I doubt this will become the "blog to read" for many people anyway. I am not looking for popularity...nor am I looking for some After School Movie buyout (hey, that would be cool.. LOL) I am just using the Internet....the little snippets of feedback as therapy.